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Wednesday, February 02, 2011

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A'Dell

I love this post. It's gorgeous and beautiful and honest and lovely.

I went through a lot of the same should we/shouldn't we and eventually it became clear that there's no point waiting for things to get "easy" so I can be ready for them for get "hard" again.

Life is always hard. It's always busy. There's always SOME crap thing or bit of bad news or a sleepless night with a croupy baby. Choosing to only have one child doesn't make my life any easier. (On the contrary, I hear that if you don't have a second kid, you have to entertain the first one on your own for 18 years.)

Erin

My friend A’Dell posted a link to your blog so I gave it quick read. I have to say, it made me want to call my mom and tell her just how much I love her. Also, I rarely comment on blogs so that says something, right? You see, I’m an only. And now being the ripe old age of 33 (not married, no kids) I can tell you, I wouldn’t change being an only for anything. I’ve seen friends quarrel with siblings and harbor jealous feelings…not something I thought I missed out on. I’m sure siblings come with good and bad just like any relationship but being an only is special.

I NEVER questioned how much my parents loved me. The overworked day jobs, the monetary sacrifices, the lack of true adult social lives…all done for me. Our little family of three was perfect. I see now that the time we spent together, the places they took me even when I was very young, showing me the value of hard work, certainly made me who I am today. And I never had to jockey with a sibling for attention.

When people find out I’m an only they usually say “really? you’re so normal, not selfish at all”. (I always find that odd because I’ve seen plenty of multiple child families with highly-selfish/spoiled children.) I’m not perfect but I think I turned out pretty darn good. Only's also learn how to entertain themselves...comes in handy later in life too. :)

Bryan

We hammered out three kids in three years, the last less scheduled than the first two, though more than two was the notational plan. It was hard when they were all young (4, 5, 7 now) and stretched us to the limits. What I can say, though, is that the love that your heart contains is not of finite size, picked upon your birth for you to fill. Rather, it expands with each of their births so that each child is loved fully and uniquely.

Now they largely entertain each other, are being trained as a housekeeping army, all still fit in the back of a normal sedan, and are each my pride and joys.

I can't speak to your health, money, or life goals, but I can say I was concerned about the practical side of having more than two and eh, it all works. I do believe that your capacity for love expands with each child, though... I don't see how it could be any other way. Convince yourself of that and you'll have the strength to power through the first couple of years of having two kids.

DCZia

Thank you everyone, for reading and for your thoughtful words. It helps, it really does, to hear from other people. I was basically an only, so it's hard for me to imagine what real siblings are like. But I see my friends' kids together, and that whole "entertaining each other" has something to it. I guess we will know when we know, and our family will be perfect, however it is.

Susan Freel

I have 2 younger brothers, 6 and 7 years younger than myself. I longed for a sister close to my own age, and still do. Now that I"m over 50 I truly appreciate both of them. We are distant physcally, but we keep in touch and I know I could count on them for anything in life. When our dad died it became very evident to me that our blood relationship was special. The 3 of us share something that nobody else has. Our mother is 86 now, and I know when she passes that connection to my brothers will be more important than ever. Of course, I have no idea what it means to be a 'single', but I am very thankful for my siblings. And by the way, I had 4. After the twins were born there was never any question that we were DONE. (4 children under the age of 5).

Terror

As you know I have a million full, half and step siblings. I love some, can't understand others and we muddle through as adults. But having them with me as kids was awesome. We did entertain each other and get each other into mischief. I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Another (albeit depressing) thought is, what if she ends up not having children of her own? Who will be her family after her parents have passed? As a single, childless almost 20+18 year old I am very grateful to have my siblings and their families. It's seeming unlikely I'll ever have a family of my own. Someday our parents will die and I'm not interested in spending holidays alone on a beach. Luckily I don't have to, instead I can visit my family, see their kids and be Auntie Mame.

I'm sure it's terrifying, but do what your heart tells you, either way.

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